The Pandemonimom

Hey America, What Do I Tell My Kids?

Last week, I watched as Trump supporters marched on the United States Capitol Building. I heard some of the speech made to the crowd by Donald Trump, and I saw the ensuing events unfold over the next couple of hours and into the evening. My kids have many questions, and I’m finding it necessary to do some serious reflecting before I start answering those questions. Maybe you’re like me and find yourself wondering exactly what to say to your kids about America and patriotism, Trump and politicians, conservatism and liberalism. You don’t have to move too far into these topics to start delving into ideals, opinions, values, morals, beliefs, and personality. It’s obvious the problems facing our country, that our kids will need to actively help solve if America is to survive, are complex and deeply-rooted.

The events and behaviors last week were shocking, but I can’t say they were surprising. The levels of division and hatred have been increasing rapidly for the past four years, but they were both there at some level for many years before Trump took office. There have been countless indicators of our political and societal problems for decades. Instead of working together to find common ground and solutions that bring our people together, we have allowed the division to grow into a gaping chasm. While special interests and corruption have absolutely played a tremendous role in this, we the people also missed opportunities to cooperate, make our leaders accountable for their actions, and become a stronger nation.

I certainly can’t tell my kids that they are able to solve these problems on their own, and I’m aware much of the desperation and anger people feel now stems from lack of control over our own situations and lives. As much as I would love to give them simple answers to fix the giant problems, I honestly can not do that. The best I can do is to help them develop skills to interact with those around them constructively instead of destructively.

1. Listen

The great ideal behind democracy is that we can solve problems through collaboration and cooperation, but this involves giving everyone involved in the conversation a voice. It’s clear to me that this very basic concept of democracy is not happening, and it became especially clear when one of the “protesters” stated in an interview that a riot is a group of people who feel that their voices are not being heard. I would begin my conversation with the kids by reminding them to listen. The man in that interview did many things wrong that are indefensible. He may well be charged with multiple felonies and imprisoned for them, but he had one thing right. We have a responsibility to listen to people around us. In any disagreement, the other person might be absolutely wrong, and you don’t have to like hearing their thoughts. You don’t have to agree with them. However, it is the height of arrogance and disrespect to behave as if your opinion is the only one that matters and you are always right.

2. Be Honest (With Yourself, Too)

That brings me to the second issue I want my kids to understand. Lying creates problems. The big issue that people were protesting last week is alleged voter fraud prevalent to such a degree that it altered the outcome of the presidential election. There have been lawsuits, recounts, and phone calls of questionable legality to change the results. In reality, there are some stringent protocols for ensuring election integrity. Could any of those have been breached? Of course. Officials have stated that there is always some fraud in every election, but is the fraud so widespread that the election result is incorrect? Obviously, one high-level group of people is lying. This, in itself, would be a major problem. When introduced into society that was already heavily divided, it resulted in catastrophe.

The past two presidential elections have both featured allegations of tampering and fraud. As taxpayers, we have a vested interest in the outcomes of elections, and no one wants to feel that the vote was unfair. This year, Trump supporters are unwilling to hear and accept explanations and assurances from election officials, even those from Republican officials. Dozens of lawsuits were either lost or dismissed by the court system, with judges of varying political background presiding over the cases. In 2016, many people felt that Russia had interfered and tampered with the election. However, ensuing investigations did not substantiate the claims that the election outcome was incorrect.

In the debate over the 2020 election, one of the opposing groups is basing their beliefs on something that is untrue. Unfortunately, all people are sometimes wrong. At the same time, people generally really hate to be wrong, and some will go to great lengths to avoid admitting a mistake. You can be an otherwise reasonable, kind, decent human and still end up believing something that isn’t true with a veracity that ultimately does damage. I want my kids to understand it is never to their benefit (or anyone’s for that matter) to feel so deeply they must be right that they are unable to even consider evidence which indicates they are wrong.

3. Your Truth May Not Match The Truth

Each of us has a personal truth that is fluid and changes as we mature. I would like my kids to know and embrace their own truth so that they can be genuine as they go about life. There are also external truths that we can refer to as material fact. These are things that are true no matter our own level of growth and maturity. For example: sometimes water condenses in the atmosphere and falls as rain. This is a material fact, and you can’t say a rainy day is actually sunny just because you have hard time handling rainy days. In an election, there is a winner and there is a loser. Sometimes your candidate will win and sometimes the other candidate will win. No is is happy with the outcome of every election, but feeling deeply that the outcome is wrong doesn’t make it factually wrong. I’m hoping my kids understand that when their personal truth doesn’t line up with material fact, they need to spend some time growing instead of being angry or making up falsehoods to explain away the mismatch.

4. Be Graceful and Respectful

Have you spent any time reading comments on facebook or twitter? I was doing that just before writing this article. The things people write to others are shockingly rude. Before you start dismissing the person on the other side of the keyboard as a horrible human being, let me share a quick story from my life. I have a neighbor who is a wonderful, generous woman. Her kids play with my kids and we exchange small gifts and goodies throughout the year. I’ve know her for over a decade, and she has never been rude to me on even a single occasion. I was astounded upon reading political comments from her on social media that were rude, judgmental, and dismissive. I don’t believe she is a different person online, but I do think that it’s easy for people to minimize the feelings of others and allow the worst sides of ourselves to come roaring out, especially when our interactions are filtered through screens and we can’t see the impact of our words.

My kids are on the young side for social media, but you can be certain I’ll teach them that there are real people on the other sides of those screens. Those people have vast differences in personal growth and life experience, and they all deserve to be respected. People are allowed their beliefs and opinions, and it is wrong to belittle others even when they are having trouble accepting material fact and being obnoxious, rude, or both. In reality, responding with cutting and degrading remarks will not help them understand or grow. Instead, they will only dig in deeper and likely become even more obnoxious.

Another major idea I want to convey to my kids is the damage of name calling. This schoolyard behavior is alarmingly common among adults who should have learned better before entering high school. The list of denigrating nicknames is endless, as far as I can tell: snowflake, sheeple, deplorable, libtard, repubtard, sleepy joe, diaper don. A cute or funny nickname for a close friend or family member that will give you both a laugh is perfectly acceptable. However, there are no benefits in calling other people nasty names.

Finally, I’ll remind them that a graceless winner is just as bad as a sore loser. When we play board games at home, there are obviously winners and losers. I’ve pointed out to them over the years that losing doesn’t feel good, but having someone rub it in makes it feel worse. We have much more fun when we can congratulate an opponent on a game well played and remember that we’ll have a chance to win another time. After all, it’s family time. Likewise, it’s important to remember that political opponents are ultimately all still on the same team. The officials we elect will have an impact on the lives of everyone. I honestly think it is counterproductive to even declare that there are sides in the first place. At the end of the day, we need our elected officials to work together.

5. Think For Yourself

In thread after thread of comments about election fraud, I’ve noticed one phrase presented to Trump supporters more than any other. Where is the proof of election fraud? This is a fair question. Further, I think the evidence would have to be clear and undeniable to overturn election results. Speculation and hearsay are just not good enough. Unfortunately, whatever media outlet a person happens to prefer is not good enough either. Media companies (yes, all of them) get paid more when more people consume their stories, and they are all getting paid far too much these days. The problem is, their stories don’t have to be even half true, and their concern for people ends where the money ends. So, what about internet sources? These are just as bad. Anyone can put anything on the internet anonymously, and falsified documents, pictures, and videos can be made to appear legitimate. There are few dependable sources of information out there.

I’ve been telling my kids for a while now they can’t just believe everything they see on the internet. As they get older and need access to more complicated information, I’ll continue to ask about their sources. They will be betting their grades and eventually their livelihood on the reliability of the data they choose to believe and use in their work. I’m hoping they will seek first hand information or at least obtain it from a person or organization they are certain is credible. Then I’ll ask them to take that information and draw their own conclusions. Discussing your ideas and comparing them with others’ ideas is great, but I hope they will make up their own minds.

6. You are Responsible For Your Actions

The people involved in unlawfully entering the Capitol Building last week may be facing very serious charges. At the very least, they entered a protected Federal Building against police order without security screening. They assaulted officers, threatened elected officials, vandalized the property, illegally accessed government computers and potentially sensitive documents, and stole mail and other Federal property. They are now at risk of being charged with insurrection, sedition, and/or treason for interference with official Federal business and trying to overthrow a democratically elected government. Worse, six people involved that day are now dead.

These actions were born of frustration and anger. It’s easy to see they truly believe the election was fraudulent. I don’t have any first hand knowledge, so I will make no assertions about the validity of election fraud allegations. In any case, the rioters felt deeply wronged, and they carried out illegal activities from a place of anger and frustration. The consequences may be very high and were, in fact, the highest possible for the dead and the families they leave behind.

Perhaps the lesson I hope to impart to my kids the most is that they will have the consequences of their own actions, whether good or bad, regardless of what has been done to them. It isn’t valid to do something awful and then point your finger at someone else, complaining about what they did or said that forced your hand. I know I’m not the only person taught as a kid that “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Later, I learned the quote attributed to Epictetus: “Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.” Of course, anger is normal and I don’t want my kids to feel they aren’t entitled to feel that emotion. However, I will teach them not to act out of anger so they don’t end up getting into the kind of trouble the rioters are now facing.

The riots last week and the upcoming ones the intelligence community are warning of are deeply unsettling and highlight how drastically our country divided. Most people lives lives based on reasonable ideals, but greed and corruption are real. We in America seem to feel that if we fight, it is to uphold our righteous truths, but there is plenty of fighting for things that are untrue or unjust but that are simply profitable. It is critical that people start recognizing the corruption and not just failing to fight it but to work together so that it can be eliminated. For that to happen, the information we get must be evaluated critically instead of accepted or rejected based on feelings or wants. At present, it’s hard to see a way out of this level of division when people are turning to violence, but if we can be thoughtful and respectful of others, it’s possible. In the meantime, perhaps we can teach our children to work together better than we have so that they can prevent a similar crisis in the future.

January 15, 2021

by : Norah Whitten Intuition, Stress

Some Friendly Advice

When you become a parent, it seems like everyone suddenly has a world of advice for you. People will give you tips on everything from getting your baby to sleep properly to the best way to send your grown kids to college. Almost all of that advice is backed by the best of intentions, and some of it is truly useful. How do you know which advice to take and which to gracefully ignore?

My first child was very cuddly. He refused to be put down and sleep on his own. Every book, doctor, nurse, relative, and friend said not to co-sleep because of the danger of rolling on your child. This made sense, especially since my husband and I are both pretty active sleepers. However, the lack of sleep was taking a huge toll on us. We desperately needed rest but did not want to endanger our child. So, we tried all of the advice: crying it out, swaddling, jiggling, swinging, singing, and planting dirty t-shirts in his crib. I even crawled into the crib with him and wedged myself into what was by far the most uncomfortable sleeping position I have ever experienced. On the upside, there was no physical way I could have rolled onto my peacefully sleeping baby. Unfortunately, I did not sleep, and I had many fun aches and pains the next day. None of the advice worked, and we were both more exhausted by the day.

Finally, we decided to ignore the mountain of advice and stick with what worked in our most desperate moments. I slept in a recliner, which was comfortable but quite effectively limited my movement, and used a swaddle along with firm pillows to hold my son in place against my belly and chest. He was calm and secure, and I didn’t need to worry about rolling on or dropping him. When I tell people about this, many comment on what a terrible idea it was. In reality, it worked well to keep us both safe and rested. After a while, we were able to get him to sleep in his crib, and life moved on.

It was my first and biggest lesson that it was completely acceptable to find my own solutions. The advice I had been given was not flawed or bad, it just did not work for us. The next, and just as important, lesson was that difficult situations are temporary. There is nothing wrong with finding a way to make it through a phase until a more ideal solution is possible. Sleeping in the recliner was a relatively short phase, and then I went back to stretching out in my bed. (Well, as much as I could stretch out with my beloved bed-hogging husband.)

That experience was an important moment for me as a new parent. I gained the first drop of confidence in my own ability as a mother along with my first understanding that I can listen gracefully to advice that I will not be taking. Over time, I learned to rely on my ability to know myself and my children and to then use that understanding to be the mother they really need. Of course, taking everyone’s safety and well-being into account is essential. If you’re doing that and meeting everyone’s needs, you really can not go wrong. Do not let yourself get caught up in the “should, can’t, or don’t” of your situation. Fully ignore the unkind advice and feedback. Take the kind advice into consideration as a potential solution, but choose based on the needs of your family. Just trust yourself, and do your best.

April 20, 2020

by : Norah Whitten Intuition, Stress

Breaking Chains

There is nothing like parenthood to emphasize how much we are becoming like our parents as we get older. I remember making a comment about my daughter, and as I was speaking, I knew that the words were exactly some that my mother would have said. Then as soon as I had finished saying them, I wondered why I had even said that. Those words did not reflect, even remotely, the way I generally think and feel. It was shocking to realize how deeply the things we hear as a child can persist even if we don’t want them to. They are like the weeds in my flower garden. If I don’t keep plucking them out, root and all, they will grow up right next to the beautiful flowers I spend time cultivating.

The impact our parents have on us is huge. Study after study shows that kids who experience neglect, abuse, and abandonment are more likely to subject others, particularly their kids, to those same behaviors. In many cases, the adults perpetuating those damaging behaviors do not realize what they are doing or they lack the skills needed to correct their own actions.

Sometimes when people get older, they recognize their past mistakes and feel remorse. My mother, for example, has apologized and said she just did the things she learned when she was growing up and never really thought about it until after it was far too late to fix anything. Instead of doing what she really wanted, she acted out of learned patterns and instincts. Many potential reasons for this have been suggested, and I suspect there are combinations of factors involved for most people. Whatever the reasons, the net result is that we often do exactly what we were taught to do, even if it will produce unwanted consequences.

As a result, the things parents teach their kids are passed from generation to generation whether good or bad. In the case of hurtful actions, the damage passes down until someone decides to break the pattern. I believe that the vast majority of people would never want to hurt another person the same way they have been hurt, but that is exactly what happens. I also believe that these bad patterns do not have to be perpetuated. We can be better parents than the ones we had, and you can see cases where that occurs. Sometimes an abused kid decides not to become an alcoholic like his dad or a neglected kid realizes that she needs to give her kids the attention and love she didn’t receive.

For me, the key was to have a plan. That’s tricky because every kid is unique and every parent is unique. The dynamics of relationships can not be predicted, and they change constantly as we all learn and grow. While some parenting books can be helpful, there is no comprehensive manual for how to navigate parenthood in light of the complicated dynamics. So when I thought about my parenting plan, I tried to remember the things from my childhood that had especially long-lasting effects or that undermined my developing self-confidence and decided to target those behaviors. The main things that I identified were: being disciplined out of frustration and anger, having my perspective devalued, never hearing my parents say sorry, and lack of rational conversation. I will do posts on each of these topics individually, but here I’ll talk about them in more general terms just to emphasize my process.

The first and biggest thing I wanted to change was how to do discipline. I experienced discipline from a place of anger and frustration. What I mean by that is my parents had a tendency to yell and spank without really imparting a lesson. As a result, I learned fear and unquestioning obedience when what I really needed was to be taught about appropriate behavior, learn respect, and have questions answered. In order to change the pattern, I understood that I would have to learn to control my temper and think about effective discipline, or I was likely to follow suit. I learned to take those deep breaths everyone talks about and give myself a little time to react. Admittedly, these few sentences make it sound easy. In reality, the concept is amazingly simple, but the application is exceptionally challenging. It has taken awareness and thoughtfulness to make this change because I have to reign in my temper, and that is not an easy task.

I was fairly young when I stopped asking questions of my parents. Frequently, the response would be along the lines of either: “You are just a kid, so you don’t understand.” or “Well, life isn’t fair.” Both were very devaluing. The first essentially meant that my perspective as a kid was not valid, so my question was not worth answering. The second meant that my parents had no intention of being a safe haven from the big, bad world, and I could not expect fair treatment from them. I felt very alone and as though my thoughts and feelings did not matter, something I do not want for my kids. It occurred to me that it is important to recognize that they are individual people. They may be small, lack maturity, and dependent, but they have their own unique thoughts and feelings, and they deserve to matter. So I decided to listen, answer their questions, and be a safe place for them. Yes, I do have to explain that the world isn’t fair and that sometimes they don’t understand, but they can feel loved and safe in the process.

When I was growing up, sorry seemed to be a dirty word in the house. Mistakes were harshly punished and never admitted. Growing up in an environment where perfection was expected and where adults were correct by virtue of being ‘older and wiser’ was, to put it mildly, very stressful and hurtful. The obvious lesson for me was that it is important to take responsibility for my mistakes and to apologize to the kids when I get something wrong. Of course, this is essential for any good relationship, not just in parenting. Unfortunately, people don’t like the taste of crow, and it is even harder having grown up feeling like mistakes are unacceptable. It has been a process, but I tell the kids that I am not perfect, and I focus on helping them see that mistakes are learning opportunities as opposed to being shameful and devaluing.

I often heard the phrase: “because I said so.” Now, I know this one may not seem like a very big deal, but I think it can be, especially if it is the default answer to questions kids ask. My parents issued commands and made decrees that didn’t make sense to me at all, and since I was unable to ask questions, I became very rebellious. Fortunately, I am the kind of person that doesn’t like trouble, so my rebellion was generally the quiet variety. In all honesty, I feared my parents but had absolutely no respect for them, the the concept of meaningful communication was entirely impossible. In looking at this, I knew I wanted much better communications with my kids, so I decided to avoid the “I said so” explanation as often as possible. This means that I started explaining rules and requirements to my kids when they were still very little. They did not understand everything by any means, but they did know that they could ask questions and receive explanations. I am not under any delusions that this will stop all rebellion in its tracks, but my goal is for them to learn respect, ask questions, and to think rationally and independently. There are definitely moments when I wish they were not so inclined to ask questions because I get stressed and don’t always feel able to dedicate the time to answering them. I have told them they need to be a little older before they are ready for an answer, and I have told them I don’t have time to answer at that moment. However, I will always make an effort to get back to the question. I prefer they get their information from me than from friends or the internet, anyway.

Overall, it seemed that I could choose between parenting based on my past experiences or with thought about what I wished to accomplish as a parent. I’m sure it is clear from my descriptions that it is not the easiest process and requires a thoughtful plan before you really need it. When you are angry, frustrated, confused, and stressed, it is easy to be reactive and hard to be rational and see the larger end goal. The forethought and work are definitely worth it, though. Once the stressful situation dies down, you will know you are working to build your kids up instead of making life harder for them. This in itself can bring a world of peace to your life as a parent.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Please feel free to comment below or email me at thepandemonimom@gmail.com.

April 8, 2020

by : Norah Whitten Coronavirus, Stress

Parenting in the COVID-19 World

I live in an area where the schools have officially transitioned to distance learning for the remainder of the school year in light of the steadily worsening Coronavirus pandemic. The implications of this did not fully sink in until my husband reminded me that the kids are here all day, every day for the next five months. Furthermore, I suddenly became responsible for ensuring they meet the requirements to complete their school year and succeed in progressing to the next grade level. This is definitely not what parenting was like several weeks ago, and I was feeling less than prepared for the changes. For one thing, I did not keep anywhere near enough school supplies on hand.

The moment that my new reality sank in, our living room was covered from one end to the other in school papers for the kids, their computers, my husband’s papers and computer, and my papers and computer. It looked like someone had haphazardly poured the contents of an office recycle bin across every couch and table with plenty spilling over onto the floor. The peace I normally feel in my home dissolved because disorganization feels itchy and panicky. Apparently, I might be slightly neurotic.

Fortunately, my most useful mantra happens to be “panic does not solve problems.” So, I closed my eyes, took some deep breaths, and reminded myself to not panic. I spent some time thinking about what my new schedule would look like and tried to prioritize the needs. In this case, it was obvious that the kids required some supplies for organization, so I immediately ordered a supply of paper and file folders. It was amazing how much better I felt just knowing the materials needed to bring order to all that chaos were on the way. Moving step-wise through my new list of tasks now seemed at least manageable.

For many of us, reality just drastically changed. Even for anyone whose days are mostly similar to what they were a month ago, there is an added component of uncertainty and the knowledge that the days could be upended very soon. This is not the type of situation people predict and prepare for well. Scientists have been saying for many years that there will be more pandemics, but our level of preparedness given this knowledge is marginal. I have taken many classes and been to numerous lectures about pandemics, and I am caught unprepared, too.

The learning curve on this is steep. We are required to immediately adapt all of our planning, shopping, cleaning, time management, and childcare to match the current health crisis. Of course, there are plenty of complications, like supply shortages and internet connections that are slower than usual. Not to mention having a plan in the event you or a family member contracts Coronavirus and becomes sick.

All you parents who are struggling and feel like you are not getting things right, take a deep breath. Do not panic. You are doing your best. Take the challenges one step at a time. If you get it wrong, learn and try again. You have never been here before, and you deserve some leeway for a mistake or two (or three). Keeping your family healthy and fed in the midst of this pandemic is more than enough. Maybe if we can move beyond the other stresses and being stir-crazy, we can take some of this time to enjoy a slower pace of life for a little while. Things will eventually get back to being normal, and our kids will once again be over-scheduled. For now, enjoy the extra rest and time with your family as much as you can.

March 30, 2020

by : Norah Whitten Coronavirus

Distance is a Virtue

The headlines today include several about busy public areas at a time when officials are asking people to limit their contact with others. Just one example is the busy National Tidal Basin for the Cherry Blossom celebration. While this is a beautiful American tradition, it seems like it would be best to avoid it this year, especially in a city where Coronavirus is clearly spreading in the community. From this to crowded beaches and packed malls and stores, many people are not heeding the warnings from officials.

A variety of reasons for this have been suggested, among them that younger people do not feel like they are at a significant risk for serious illness due to Coronavirus and are therefore not changing their decisions and behaviors at all. It makes sense that people will feel stir-crazy and miss their time with people. Even just feeling rebellious makes sense to a certain extent. Maybe there is no way to effectively communicate the reasons that people should limit their activity, but slowing the spread of this virus depends on people understanding and acting accordingly. So, I am starting today with reasons that even younger people should consider using caution.

Q: Are younger people at risk for serious illness or death due to COVID-19?

A: The CDC publishes a report called Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (MMWR) that details instances of illness and death and the causes in the United States. A report about severe outcomes of Coronavirus infection was issued on March 18, 2020. The early information for infections in the United States indicates that the risk for severe illness and death does increase with age. Most hospitalizations and deaths have been in people who are 55 years old and over. However, 20% of those sick enough to need hospitalization were adults age 20 – 44 and another 18% were 45 – 54. While younger people are at a smaller risk of death, they can still become very ill, and any long term effects of COVID-19 are not understood. Reports indicate that the virus damages lung and sinus tissue and can result in loss of smell and/or taste. There is no understanding about how long these effects may last after recovery. The bottom line is that young adults can definitely become seriously ill as a result of Coronavirus.

Q: What does flattening the curve mean, and why does it matter?

A: Very simply, flattening the curve just means that we can take steps to slow down how fast Coronavirus spreads through the population and reduce the number of people who are severely ill at once. There are several great thorough explanations if you are interested, but the concept is very basic. If many people require hospitalization at the same time, supplies and medical attention will be in short supply. People will not get the care they need to recover, and some who would not have died if given proper care would die needlessly. The extra time would also allow for the medical and scientific community to find effective vaccinations and treatments, further reducing the fatality rate.

Q: What can people do to minimize the impact of Coronavirus?

A: Individually, you can limit your potential exposure by avoiding public places, especially crowded ones, and through hand washing and cleaning surfaces. This also limits the possibility that you could infect someone else if you become infected.

China has been rather successful at stopping the spread of Coronavirus by shutting down workplaces, schools, etc. That will be key to slowing down the spread in the United States and other countries as well.

Q: How long is the incubation period, and why is it important?

A: The incubation period is the time between when a person is exposed to Coronavirus and when that person starts to have symptoms. Based on current data, the average incubation period is 5 – 6 days, but incubation can be as much as 14 days. This is important because it is not unusual for a person with a respiratory infection to be contagious before they realize they are sick. Most people with the flu are contagious for about 24 hours before they start to have aches or a fever. We do not know if or how long Coronavirus patients are contagious before showing symptoms, but a long incubation period means people could be spreading virus long before they know they are infected.

Q: How long does Coronavirus live outside of the body?

A: This has not yet been fully determined, along with a number of other important facts about this Coronavirus. We also don’t know how many viruses you have to be exposed to in order for an infection to develop. Estimates are being made based on early testing and what we know about other Coronaviruses. Of course, the answers to these questions can be different in different environments: hot vs. cold or humid vs. dry to name just a couple of examples.

Based on early testing reports, this one could remain infectious on surfaces for up to several days. So, avoid touching objects as much as possible, and try to stop touching your face. Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water. If soap and water are not available, CDC recommends hand sanitizer that is at least 60% alcohol.

Respiratory droplets containing coronavirus can remain suspended in the air or settle on surfaces. The current recommendation is to stay at least 6 feet away from any person spewing infectious waste and be careful not to touch things near them or that they have touched.

Q: Will Coronavirus go away when the weather warms up?

A: We know that flu season ends when temperatures and particularly humidity increase in the spring, but we do not know if the same will be true for Coronavirus. Looking at maps showing locations where the Coronavirus is thriving, it would seem that this virus is not really impacted by climate. In addition, not all strains of a virus are equal. The Spanish flu did not respond to seasonal temperature and humidity variation the way flu viruses usually do. So, we really can not determine yet if this Coronavirus is seasonal. I hope it is.

I’ll be keeping an eye out for more questions, but I plan to write next about parenting in a world where schools are closed and we have to adapt to being a parent with less personal time. As before, if you have other questions or concerns about Coronavirus and the best way to prepare, I always recommend trusting the experts. The WHO and CDC websites dealing with Coronavirus are:

WHO: https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019

CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html

March 24, 2020

by : Norah Whitten Coronavirus

Coronavirus Chaos

The Coronavirus pandemic is certainly turning life upside down. In our household, the kids are home from school indefinitely, my husband is teleworking full time, and we are keeping our ventures out of the house to a minimum. My refereeing responsibilities have more than doubled and will probably continue to increase. It is always amazing to me how the kids are kind and respectful with everyone in the world except each other. (Sadly, my wardrobe lacks black and white stripes.) I am beyond grateful for the schoolwork packets that keep them occupied and learning for a couple of hours each day, giving me some time to do some writing.

Earlier this week, I read an article about divorce rates spiking in China after couples were forced to spend more time together. So far, I have no thoughts of killing my husband, which seems promising. Even so, I am thinking about how unusual and nice it is to have some extra time with my favorite person and that this is something to appreciate. Soon enough, he will be back to commuting and the house will seem very quiet.

Beyond all that is happening in my personal world, the rest of life seems surreal right now. We are in the midst of what could be a once-in-a-lifetime type of crisis. When something like this happens, you see all of the extremes. Some are panicking and hoarding. Others are going about life like everything is perfectly normal. I feel like both panic and “head in the sand” responses are counterproductive, and I try to find the informed, rational approach. This can be quite an undertaking in our world of abundant misinformation and changing information.

As it turns out, this particular situation is not so difficult for me. I write under a pen name to respect the privacy of the people I will be writing about: my husband and children in particular, but also extended family and friends. However, my real name includes some credentials, and my fields of expertise are microbiology and genetics. I am not a medical doctor, and will therefore not be providing medical advice, but I do know some things about pathogens like Coronavirus. So, I am going to write for the next few days about the questions I see people asking and the changing information from the scientific community that may seem confusing.

In answering questions, I will sometimes refer to influenza because it is a virus most people are familiar with and that causes pandemic disease periodically. I am in no way suggesting this is just like seasonal flu, as you may have read elsewhere. It is not, and I will describe some of the reasons for that in answering questions. Keep in mind, we do have vaccines and targeted antiviral medications to prevent, minimize, and treat influenza. The novel Coronavirus currently does not have a vaccine or treatment. Critically ill patients are treated to minimize their symptoms and keep their body going while it fights, and hopefully overcomes, the infection on its own.

Q: How bad is this going to get?

A: No one knows for certain. There are many factors that determine how severe an outbreak of a new infectious disease will be. Some of them are:

How easily it spreads from person to person
How frequently it kills an infected person
How long the virus can live in the environment
The incubation period
How long it takes for an infected person to become contagious
The way people respond to prevent spread of the disease

Q: How does Coronavirus spread?

A: There is evidence that this Coronavirus spreads both by the respiratory route and by indirect contact. That means the virus can spread if an infected person coughs or sneezes and someone else inhales some of the droplets that contain viruses. It can also spread if an infected person touches or sneezes on an object and someone else touches the same object then rubs some part of their face so that the virus can get into the eyes, mouth, or nose. Since we obviously need to breathe, and we have a tendency to touch our faces much more often than we realize, this virus does spread quite easily. The current evidence suggests the average person is more likely to get coronavirus than influenza, so this could infect a very large number of people.

Q: What is the fatality rate, and why is there so much uncertainty about it?

The fatality rate is a topic I have seen discussed quite often and with a large amount of disagreeing and changing information. The reported fatality rate for COVID-19 is preliminary. A reliable rate won’t be calculated until the pandemic has died down. In the meantime, health organizations track a preliminary fatality rate because it can give us information about the severity of the disease and the groups of people who are most at risk of dying.

The preliminary fatality rate stands at about 1.4%, according to the World Health Organization (WHO). This will probably change in the coming weeks and months. It is true that fatality rate does tend to decrease as the disease spreads through the population, but the rate can also increase and there are a number of factors.

At the moment I am writing this, there are about 270,000 verified cases with about 102,000 either recovered or dead. That mean that there are about 168,000 cases that are ongoing. We don’t yet know how many of those will contribute to the fatality rate. Hopefully, that will be a small number. With so many unresolved cases, it leaves a lot of room for the fatality rate to change.

It is also true that the more severe cases are usually reported while mild cases are under-reported. This is the case for all diseases. For example, I have never tested positive for influenza, but I am very certain I have had influenza multiple times in my lifetime. So, the real fatality rates are pretty much over-stated across the board. This is not some scientific scandal, though. Scientists can only work with the numbers they have. It would be impossible to accurately estimate how many people have any kind of mild infection so that exact fatality rates can be calculated. While not exact, having an idea of the severity of any infection can give us an idea of what we are dealing with and the best ways to minimize the impact of a disease.

Fatality rates can be different in different groups of people. The initial fatality rates in China were lower for Coronavirus, while the fatality rate in Italy is much higher. No one knows precisely why yet, but it could be that the first groups of people had a smaller percentage of individuals who qualify for the high risk category. Another factor could be that those individuals had a history of infection with other coronaviruses and had some existing immunity because of it. Their immune systems have been given at least a heads up instead of being caught off guard. Whatever the real combination of factors, those infected early in China experienced a lower fatality rate, and we have seen an increase in that rate as it has spread across the globe.

In addition, viruses are notorious for rapid mutation. Scientists have found evidence of at least two distinct strains already, and there could be more as the epidemic proceeds. There is no way to predict how fatal the various mutant forms will be. Some will be more fatal and others less so. We see this with influenza. The average fatality rate of seasonal flu is about 0.1%. The Spanish flu from the 1918 pandemic had a fatality rate around 2.5%.

The overall take home message here is that even if the current rate of 1.4% is over-estimated, that number is still cause for concern. Seasonal flu kills about 290,000 – 650,000 every year worldwide. If Coronavirus settles into a fatality rate of just 1% and it infects a similar number of people, we could be looking at worldwide deaths in the range of 3 to 6 million people. Again, no one knows enough to say if this will or won’t happen. The point is that the potential is there and should be taken seriously.

There are other questions, and I will discuss more next time. In particular, as scientists are able to investigate and gather more data, the information being reported is changing. In the meantime, the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) both have sites for information about Coronavirus and guidance for managing your own and others’ risk. The links below are for each of those sites:

WHO: https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019

CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html

March 20, 2020

by : Norah Whitten General

Away we go!

A parent’s life includes more than enough pandemonium. Every day, you face a gauntlet of kid-related tasks: school, activities, homework, and chores. We are not even mentioning the fighting, attitudes, and reluctance to walk away from any device with flashing lights and sound. Do not forget to nurture your adult relationships, whether it be with a spouse, partner, or friends. Oh, and you should find a minute or two to take care of yourself of top of it all.

Sound familiar? Then, I hope my blog can bring some peace to your crazy life.

I am a Mom to two wonderful small people who are now nine and eleven years old. My parenting philosophy is that I am working to raise two humans who leave my house as independent, capable, and thoughtful people who have the skills to make mostly good choices and face challenges when they or others around them make bad choices. I am definitely not going to be writing about how perfectly I do that job. I have moments of complete failure, but I also have great successes and every level of experience in between.

My strong suit is thinking things through, and my goal is to share those thoughts and the experiences that go with them. Parenting is absolutely not “one-size-fits-all,” so I know that what I have to say won’t be helpful in your situation every time. However, if I can offer help with any difficulty you face, I will feel like this blog is wildly successful.

With that in mind, if there are any topics you would like to see an article about, please write to me or put them in the comments below. In the meantime, I have a long list of topics lined up that reflect my experiences and the experiences of the other parents I talk with. I hope you come back to check them out.

March 18, 2020